Trying to Conceive Q & A

Q: Partner is unsure?

Nest Paula — Thu, 01 May 2008 20:24:00 GMT

Q: My husband seems to have his own timeline. We had a plan about when we wanted to start trying for a baby, and now he's starting to imply that it's too soon. Do I just need to give it time, or should we be talking about it more, or what? I'm afraid he'll be having second thoughts forever!

Tammy Gold: The decision to have a baby is one of the most important and life-changing ones you can make. It should be made only after a great deal of thought and consideration, because becoming a parent will force you to be responsible for another human being. Though filled with intense joy, parenting can also be extremely challenging, and it's helpful to go into it with the right mindset. If your husband is having second thoughts, try to examine them instead of push against them.

As your husband what his fears are, and what he believes will change and what will stay the same. It's helpful to establish expectations that are in line with reality. There are many reasons that both genders worry about becoming a parent, whether related to fears about the future or memories of the past. Some men are afraid that a child will take their wife away from them. No matter what your own husband is worried about, make sure he has the opportunity to express his feelings.

I'd also recommend examining your own concerns about waiting and expressing them to your husband -- this will help him understand your point of view. Though you may not agree, it will be very helpful for you both to feel respected and head. I suggest that the two of you keep talking openly about the situation and work together to come up with a plan that's acceptable to both of you.

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Q: Types of pregnancy tests?

Nest Paula — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 19:58:00 GMT

Q: What different types of home pregnancy tests are there?

A:There are oodles of different home pregnancy test brands to choose from, but don’t get overwhelmed -- you don’t need to try them all! Still, it's a good idea to test at least twice before you make an appointment with your doctor. You can swing into almost any drugstores and buy an over-the-counter home pregnancy test for anywhere between $8 and $20, depending on the brand and how many tests are included in the kit.

But first, get a grip on the basic types of tests. Some will have you pee on a stick,others will ask you to pee in a cup, and these days, some are even digital. They all test for the same thing, though -- a hormone called hCG, which is produced by the placenta and therefore indicates a pregnancy.

Pee-on-a-stick tests
Most common are tests that require you to pee on a stick or strip. Follow the directions loosely. You'll probably just need to pee on the stick or strip and wait for the result to show (usually a particular color or symbol that signals a positive or negative test).

Pee-in-a-cup test
After peeing in a cup, you'll either put a testing device in the cup itself, or place small drops of urine onto the device. If your urine contains hCG, it'll cause a portion of the stick to change color after several minutes.

Digital tests
These are designed to make the sometimes tricky results-reading process a little less confusing. If you find yourself frustrated over faded lines and barely-there plus or negative signs, pick up a digital test. They take away the guess work by giving a point-blank result of either pregnant or not.

Remember that with any test, false positives and negatives are always a possibility. Testing twice and consulting with a doctor is the best way to confirm.

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Q: Sexual lube and TTC?

Nest Paula — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 03:03:00 GMT

Q: Can lubricant hurt my chances of getting pregnant? Is any kind okay to use?

A: Yes and yes. Even on its own, vaginal secretion is an acidic sperm killer that repels healthy sperm before it can enter the cervix. Store-bought lubricant only slows the sperm further, leaving it more likely to die within the vagina, before reaching the egg.

Need an alternative? Try Pre~Seed, a new lubricant that's advertised as "fertility friendly," and doesn't seem to harm sperm. Or, try a home remedy. Some couples find water or even egg whites works as a non-toxic lubricant. There's also the old-fashioned option -- save your money, step up the foreplay and let nature do the rest.

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Q: Sperm and hot water?

Nest Paula — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 22:51:00 GMT

Q: I've heard that men should stay out of hot tubs while they're trying to conceive -- should I really believe this?

A: Yeah, this one's actually true. Avoiding extreme contact heat to his manhood will keep your guy's sperm count nice and high. Sperm is best produced when the scrotum is about one degree cooler than the rest of the body. Think for a second about the difference between male and female bodies -- ovaries are housed inside a woman's body, where they're protected and kept warm. Testicles are outside a man's body, though, which shows us that their natural preference is to be cooler. If he simply can't resist a steamy soak, keeping the temperature below 99 degrees should keep those sperm safe.

Basal body temp basics >>

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Q: Checking cervical mucus?

Nest Paula — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 03:56:00 GMT

Q: Should I be checking my cervical mucus? What am I looking for and how do I do it?

A: First, put down any food you may be munching on. That said... yes, you should definitely set aside some personal time to check your cervical mucus when you're trying to conceive. It's an effective way to track ovulation and know when you're at your most fertile.

Quick review of the relevance of cervical mucus (or, vaginal discharge): In the days leading up to ovulation, it gets much more slippery, clear, and stretchy than normal. Your mucus will be at its stretchiest on the day you ovulate. It should resemble egg whites, more or less. Right now, your mucus is the perfect consistency for housing sperm -- meaning this is also the best time to hop in the sack and try to conceive.

Checking your own cervical mucus isn't tough. Insert your (thoroughly washed) index finger into your vagina and circle around your cervix (or as close as you can get) to collect the mucus. Remove your finger, and once you can see it press your thumb against it. Then pull your fingers apart, and note if the mucus breaks right away or merely stretches. The more stretchy the mucus, the more fertile you are. (This is where our fertility chart gets really helpful -- evaluating "stretchiness" is a lot easier when you've been consistently recording it and therefore have something to compare it to.) You can also simply wipe the entrance of your vagina with a tissue to get a mucus sample to evaluate, but the finger method generally works better.

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Q: Cervical mucus?

Nest Paula — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 03:18:00 GMT

Q: What exactly is cervical mucus, and how is it related to ovulation?

A: As your hormone levels fluctuate, so does the consistency of your cervical mucus (a.k.a. discharge). This makes it a rough indicator of where you are in your cycle. Though every woman's mucus is different, you're most likely generally prime for baby-making when your discharge is clear, slippery, and stretchy -- this consistency best houses sperm. The mucus should remain this way for several days before your period, so that by the time you're ovulating it looks something like raw egg whites. Use our fertility chart to track the changes and find the best time to try.

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Q: Does alcohol hurt sperm?

Nest ErinW — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 04:43:00 GMT

Q: Is it bad for my husband to drink while we’re trying to conceive?

A:Your hubby can't give your baby fetal alcohol syndrome, but there is some evidence alcohol can mess with his sperm. What happens? Well, according to a 1994 study on rats, male alcohol use prior to conception might hurt your chances of getting pregnant or lead to children that are smaller, have compromised immune systems, or are more prone to behavioral or hormonal disturbances. Another rat study links male drinking prior to conception to hyperactive children. On the other hand, we aren’t rats and these studies don't necessarily mean that alcohol has the same effect on humans.

The conclusion? Talk to your doc and your husband, and then decide together whether he should cut back. Occasional drinking isn't generally considered to be a problem, but regular (two drinks per day, or five drinks in one sitting at least once per month) or heavy drinking (more than what's listed above) could be risky. If he drinks regularly, this might be a good time to ease off the bottle anyway -- you certainly don't want a tipsy husband taking care of a baby!

Fetal alcohol syndrome >>

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Q: Keeping TTC fun?

Nest Paula — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 01:41:00 GMT

Q: After two or so days of Baby Dance, DH is like, "I need a break for a day or two." He claims he is tired no matter how much he wants a baby. What can I do to help keep him motivated around ovulation time? -brideatbeach

A: Time to move into ultra-sensual, ultra-seductive mode. First, try shifting the focus from when it will happen to the fun you get to have making it happen. Get yourselves in the mood. Use candles, music,lingerie, dirty talk, toys, role playing (not all at once) -- whatever it takes to make sex sexy again. Save a few tricks for later so that every time you make love (even if it's three times in one day) there's a special edge that keeps it hot. And remember, the more relaxed you are, the more likely you are to orgasm. Besides the obvious benefit, having an orgasm after your husband also does may actually help you conceive... and that's not a deal we'd turn down.

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