Q: Pregnancy faux pas?

Posted Monday, September 17, 2007 11:52 AM

Top Five Pregnancy Faux Pas

More than 80 percent of pregnant women have friends (or strangers!) touch their bellies without asking for permission. Grievances like this are all too common, so we thought we'd lay down a list of phrases that make our pregnant users cringe (they told us so). Chances are, you've already found some of these words slipping through your teeth before you knew what hit you. Well, you can't rewind, but check out our list and try to hold back next time -- your pregnant buddies will be grateful.


FAUX PAS #1: “LET ME TOUCH YOUR BELLY!”
We’re all guilty of the belly rub… it’s hard to resist. But hold back unless you ask the mom first. Not only is it scary and weird for her when someone, whether it’s a stranger or even a relative, touches her bump, but a woman’s belly is private and she may not want you reaching for it.

What to Say or Do in Response: As the hand moves in, cover your belly and jokingly say, “The little one’s bossy already, he likes his personal space.”

 
FAUX PAS #2: “I WAS IN LABOR FOR 36 HOURS AND I TORE LIKE YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE!”
Imagine hearing your own mother-in-law describing in detail how she gave birth to your husband. Are you squirming yet? It’s only natural to want to share your own personal experiences and think that it may offer some helpful advice. But just because you were in labor for 36 hours doesn’t mean she wants to hear all the gory details. You’ll only scare her (and the baby) with your stories.

What to Say and Do in Response: You may gain some bits of useful advice from these war stories, but if the conversation gets too graphic, say in a mock grave voice, “You’ve seriously got to stop – I think my morning sickness is coming back.”

 
FAUX PAS #3: “WOW, YOU’RE HUGE! ARE YOU HAVING TWINS?”
First of all, pregnant or not, no one ever likes to be reminded of their weight gain. Whether you genuinely are wondering if she’s having twins or it’s your way of saying she’s going to have a big healthy baby, keep any comments related to weight gain to yourself. After all, we all know this could sound like an evil way of saying “Wow, you’re one big heifer.”

What to Say or Do in Response: Think of it this way – who wants a peewee baby? So proudly rub your tummy and say, “Nope, not twins. I’m just carrying the next linebacker for the New York Giants.”

 
FAUX PAS #4:  “OHHH, I KNEW A (INSERT NAME).  HE WAS THE BIGGEST GEEK IN HIGH SCHOOL.”
Ouch. Whether it’s a high school geek or horrid ex-boyfriend, we can’t help but connect a name to someone in our past.  But it’s best to keep your opinions to yourself, or better yet, not even ask what they’re planning on naming the baby.

“This is a seemingly harmless question and is one of the most hotly debated topics for parents-to-be,” says Carley Roney, our editor in chief. “Naming a child is one of the most personal things for parents and it’s hard enough to decide on a name without a committee chiming in. Plus, parents may want to keep the name a secret in case someone ‘steals’ the name.”

What to Say or Do in Response: If only you could say who his or her name reminds you of, right? So just grin and say, “Good thing all geeks grow up to be billionaires.”
 

FAUX PAS #5: “COME ON, ONE DRINK WON’T HURT.”
No one likes a pusher. If your friend who normally drinks more than her share of Sauvignon switches to sparkling water, take it as a sign and don’t order a round of martinis. Your “in the baby zone” friend will become tired of saying that she’s “not feeling well” and be less apt to come out next time.

What to Say or Do in Response: Save yourself a response by ordering a soda water with lemon in it – it’ll look just like a cocktail. Or jokingly say, “No way, I don’t want him ending up in AA by the time he’s a toddler!”

> Know some other choice phrases that shouldn't be said? Join the discussion below! 

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Posted by Nest ErinW
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Comments

re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

OMG, Faux Pas #1 is totally my worst fear of my pregnancy! I have had a phobia of people randomly touching my for years, and now that they think they have an excuse is even worse!  I just fear that someone will catch me on a very hormonal day and end up with a snapped wrist for trying to reach toward my belly!  I already had someone try to rub my belly when I was only 4 1/2 weeks pregnant...hello, there's barely anything there yet, step off!

Posted by critter1220    Saturday, September 29, 2007 11:15 AM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

How about the question; Was it planned? That is NONE of your business!!

Or while TTC; When are you having children? AGAIN, NONE of your business!!

Posted by Sharra711    Sunday, September 30, 2007 1:02 AM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

OMG I'm with you on the #1!   I had so many people at church reach for my hand when I got engaged...half I didn't even know.  While flattering...its was weird.  I'm terrified for when we get pregnant that everyone will touch my baby bump!  I didn't even feel comfortable touching my sister's tummy when she was pregnant.  Its just weird!

Posted by ashleyua82    Wednesday, October 03, 2007 9:25 PM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

Ha ha... I love that people even care if it was planned or not. Like what's the difference? And we've had so many people ask us when we're stepping up to the plate while we were TTC... um... "I don't know when we're going to get pregnant. I'd like to know too."

I think it's so incredibly weird to touch someone's stomach, pregnant or not. I figured that if someone does it to me, maybe I'll just do it to them. "What? You don't like that? I thought you would since you're doing it to me."

Posted by Portlandfungirl    Thursday, October 04, 2007 2:14 PM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

Hey Nesties --

Love the stories! We'd love to see your ranking on these Faux Pas too. Which do you think is the worst?

Give them your rankings (#1 being the worst)!

Posted by Nest ErinW    Tuesday, October 09, 2007 3:40 PM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

#2 is the worst in my opinion.  I am so sick of hearing the birth story horrors of others.  I have no idea why people feel the need to terrify other moms-to-be but they certainly try hard!

Posted by JennyMisHappy    Tuesday, October 09, 2007 6:03 PM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

I don't know if this belongs in this list, but I think the #1 would be grabbing at or demanding to hold the baby shortly after it's born.  There are people who are already telling me that they can't wait to hold him first - and these are people I'm not sure I would ever want holding a newborn!

Other than that I agree with this ranking.

Posted by LittleMalinda    Tuesday, October 09, 2007 6:05 PM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

Ranked from worst to less worse ;)

I'd say #2 is the worst. How freakin disturbing to think about tearing. Not what I want to focus on!  You'd think people would put happy thoughts out there.

#4 - I think it is pretty rude to say say a name is really bad...obviously the person has put some work into it. I think you could phrase that better and say...how about (inset name)...

#3 - Seems rude to call someone huge, but people don't know what to say, I would blow that off.

#5 - The drink thing doesn't seem that bad... it is uncomfortable, but some people just don't get it. I wish they wouldn't do it though ... hehehe.

#1 Doesn't seem that bad to me, although it sounds annoying!

Posted by maryc07    Tuesday, October 09, 2007 6:18 PM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

Don't ever ask, "Is it DH's/BF's/FI's?"  Yes, I actually had a *relative* ask me that once.  My response was stunned disbelief.  Even if you have reason to wonder, it's not your place to straighten out that info!

Posted by Daisy77    Tuesday, October 09, 2007 6:22 PM


How I would rank them

#5 I was in labor for 36 hours and tore so badly...So maybe hearing this kind of thing from strangers would be way TMI, but I didn't mind that my friends didn't sugar-coat things when they told me their birth stories.  It helped me prepare myself for things that could happen.

#4 Let me touch your belly!  I am not a touchy-feely person so don't like this, at least not from strangers.  Luckily I didn't get this much, but it was really weird when one of my professors (!?) wanted to touch my baby bump!!!

#3 You're huge!  Just a rude thing to say, and it didn't really make me feel any better about the fact that I gained more than the recommended amount of weight during pregnancy!  Why do people say things like this?!

#2 Oh, I knew a X in high school.  This is why we didn't publicize our son's name until AFTER delivery!!

#1 One drink won't hurt.  People should just mind their own business.  Why do they care that I don't want to drink during pregnancy?  After having lost two pregnancies, I wanted to be very careful about things (not that I hadn't been before), and I didn't want to take any chances at all.

Posted by crk05    Tuesday, October 09, 2007 6:46 PM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

i hate to hear other women exaggerate their l&d stories.  i'm so glad you managed to survive that horrible ordeal.  if i end up having a long and/or trumatic l&d, i won't be sharing the bad parts that make me seem like a war hero, i'll be sharing the good things as not wanting to scare anyone who will someday be experiencing l&d.

Posted by aarons-wifey-to-be    Tuesday, October 09, 2007 8:57 PM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

Oh, I'm very protective of my personal space!  That's one thing I'm dreading.  If close friends and family want to touch my belly they can, but they all know me enough to ask first.  Anyone who tries to swoop in for a belly rub without warning might be in danger of losing a few fingers! Haha!

Posted by ddemeo    Friday, October 12, 2007 6:18 PM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

Oh my goodness, I would never even think of rubbing someone's belly, especially a stranger's.  I can't imagine that people do this.  

Posted by megank4    Saturday, October 13, 2007 4:16 AM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

Something else that drives me crazy is when people say "your breasts are going to get huge!" I'm not a very big girl and it seems like they are not only rubbing it in but what if they don't really get that much bigger? Should I worry my baby will starve when I try to breastfeed?

Posted by Mein Herzgrund    Monday, January 07, 2008 5:12 PM


re: Q: Pregnancy Faux Pas?

How about the stretch mark stories. And the "your body will never be the same" stories? I HATE those. I'm seven months and I don't have one stretch mark and my boobs are just fine (ask my BF and he'd say they are terrific!LOL!) while a little big. But everyone keeps telling me "just wait."  Seriously!!! I don't need that to stress about too!

My mom thinks I'm too big... and she has no problem teeling me. She always likes to say that she only gained 12 punds w/me and lost it all within 3 days. My sister is nice enough to respond for me and remind my mother that she gave birth to me when she was 15 and that she's "a freak of nature!" LOL!

I've only gained 18 pounds and 3 pant sizes... I'm sick of the body horror stories!

Posted by cajunangel1985    Wednesday, January 09, 2008 9:20 PM


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