Posted Saturday, June 21, 2008 2:54 PM
My mother lives with us, but she's not elderly--she's in her fifties--and besides misplacing stuff, which she has been guilty of doing since she was in her twenties, she has always been on the ball. She has a very detail-oriented job, so I don't know what to make of today.
I was at my husband's clinic this morning getting a massage. When I got home, my mother pulled in an hour later. She had gone to the grocery store, and as I was helping her unload stuff she said she'd gotten me the Lucky Charms cereal I'd asked for. I was completely confused. She said I called her around 11:20 when she was in the grocery store, and when I found out where she was I asked her to get me some Lucky Charms cereal. Now I did get out of my massage around that time, but I did not and have not made a single phone call today--a fact that my cell supports as the last call I made was yesterday.
My mom claims up and down that she was sure she was talking to me. She had an entire conversation with "me" that consisted of "me" also telling her to look in her wallet when she spoke about misplacing a piece of paper with a FedEx tracking number she needed....WTH?
Therefore, one of three things happened. She imagined the entire conversation, I had a conversation that I have no memory of, or somehow someone else called and the call registered as me (my name popped up). This situation was so bizarre that I couldn't help laughing, so my mom thought I was trying to mess with her. I think she suspects me of attempting to gaslight her. What is even weirder is that I don't eat Lucky Charms ceral. I have never eaten Lucky Charms ceral. Plus I am on a diet, so why would I ask for it? My husband does eat cereal without milk as a snack, but he doesn't like Lucky Charms. All I can think is that someone is going to be very upset when their mom doesn't bring home any Lucky Charms.
I suppose there is one more possiblity -- a hole in space and time opened up and my mother got a call from me that I will make in the future....well, welcome to the twilight zone. 
Posted Tuesday, June 03, 2008 6:13 PM
Well school is over and I've been a lazy person since Memorial Day weekend. My second anniversary was May 28, and we tried a new resturant that is near our house and faces on the park where my husband proposed. Because our anniversary was on a Wednesday we also participated in the resturant's wine tasting that they have every Wednesday. It was fabulous! The wine was great and the food was great and all the right portions. We had a starter, then I had a salad and my husband had a bisque. Normally we would have been too full for our entree, but it was just enough food. We even had room for desert. All the food was so delicious. My husband had duck, but he wants to go back because he had a taste of my filet mignon. He said we have found 'our place.' If you live in the metro Atlanta area anywhere near Duluth, you need to try Park Cafe.
The wine was excellent too. We both loved the first wine -- a saviguon blanc, so we bought a bottle. After dinner we walked around the park, for a romantic after dinner stroll. Then we went home and the rest is censored. 
On the work front . . . I have been working on things for teaching AP English next year, and sort of working on things for summer school. Summer school planning kicked into high gear, as today was the official work day -- I actually got paid for planning; which is a rare thing for a teacher. 
Next Monday is the first day of summer school. I am teaching one class. I wanted to teach two classes (more money), but I'm not too upset. It will be nice to have a little more free time. I will be teaching from 7:30 to 10:30, so I might actually visit the local pool for a little sun and swim this during June and July.
Another reason that I am glad to be working this summer is that it keeps me focused on living rather than brooding. I'm sick about being so focused on having a baby. I want a baby, but it is making me crazy that it's not happening, and that it very well may not. We are still trying. I am temping every morning. I even have to go get a Measles/ Mumps/ Rubella vacination that my RE requires, so we are ready to go if we decided to go the IUI route after a couple of months. Still my life has to go on with the other parts of my life. This anniversary I thought about how tough married life has been with the business, financial worries, and fertility issues, but I realized I am happy and blessed. I have a man who loves me and who I love. I have to have faith that life will unfold as it was meant to for me.
Posted Thursday, May 15, 2008 8:23 PM
Today at school there was a ruckus outside my room. I go out into the hall and from the boy's restroom there is a huge growing tide of brown ooze. There was also a sort of acrid smell. For some reason my first thought was a student had put a cherry bomb down a toilet. The fire alarm went off. It was my planning period, so I didn't have any students to worry about. I thankfully was smart enough to take both my purse and my laptop as I exited the building, so I didn't have to worry about my stuff as all the chaos was going on. All the kids were stuck outside in the rain as they were dealing with the problem. Finally kids were sent to the commons. Then students who had classes on the first floor were allowed to go back to class. Then students who had classes on the 2nd floor, but not on my hall were allowed to go back.
I found out when I went up with our department head that a sprinkler had malfunctioned (or was damaged by a student) and air bubbles had caused problems in the septic systems. The big green machine that cleans the floor (picture something like the zamboni that cleans ice at an ice ring) was cleaning the floor. It seemed to making head way on the floor, unfortunately not on the smell. At the end of the day, I was lucky. The dirty water did not seep into my room -- others were not so lucky. If a kid is actually responsible, I hope they catch them. At the end of the day the alarm went off again. The principal got on and told us to just let the kids go to the buses. I think a kid pulled the alarm to continue the mayham. I was so glad to get home today and away from all of the 'crap.'
Posted Sunday, May 11, 2008 10:38 AM
Well, I finally had a period -- a normal period. It started after taking my last of 10 days of prometrium. It's sad that normality is wonderful. Part of me kept hoping that post-HSG I had gotten pregnant. Well, the period is now over and we are going to try again. I am not sure when I will try IUI. My RE's pricing makes it possible. It is something we had not thought we could handle financially.
Today is Mother's Day and I'm not a mother. Last year at this time I had just miscarried. I don't think I will ever be able to feel the same way about Mother's Day again. Some way I know I will be a mother either through giving birth or adoption, but the wait is hard. This Mother's Day is very hard for my mother. My grandmother passed away a few months ago, and this is my Mom's first Mother's Day without her mother. I wish I could magically make it better for as she wishes she could make it better for me.
Ironically this Mother's Day my mother and grandmother have given me a great gift. My husband's business has been struggling under the weight of all the loans and the unexpected cost of having to move locations early into owning the business. Because of what my mother has inherited from my grandmother she is going to be able to lend us a substanial amount of money in a few weeks. The look of relief on my husband's face was the greatest gift I could get besides a baby. Who knows maybe the decrease in stress will help on baby front as well.
I wish a happy Mother's Day to all those who are mothers and all who hope one day to be mothers.
Posted Sunday, May 04, 2008 1:50 PM
After Clomid in December I had freaky periods of spotting for weeks and long periods, so I was bleeding for half the days of my 28 to 29 day cycle. This last cycle since the HSG I have yet to have a period and I took a pregnancy test the day I was late, a few days later, and the Friday morning before I went in for my RE appointment after the diagnostic tests and it was BFN each and every time. So another week has passed. Tonight is my last night of taking Prometrium and still no period. What the heck. First ovarian cysts made me bleed too much and now I can't bleed at all.
I was sick last week -- a combination of allergies and a cold. We figure if I hadn't had a period, I haven't ovulated, so I guess we will start trying again. After all it can't hurt.
One other weird thing is that my RE doc's office tried to call me about lab results two times at the end of this work week. The only lab test I had was a blood test they were running on my immunizations. I can't figure out why the nurse is calling. Usually they leave a message for me to go to the automated system to hear the results. It is funny that they are calling me about this basic lab test, and yet they didn't call me about my HSG results -- I had to wait to until the RE appointment.
Well, things are winding down at school. My seniors take their AP test next Thursday. My juniors take the county wide End of Course Test next Wednesday and Thursday. I have a little on the Modernism unit to finish with my juniors, but as of next Thursday my seniors are done. Now on to planning for next year and also planning for teaching summer school. 
Posted Sunday, April 27, 2008 4:44 PM
“The Unborn” Sharon Olds
Sometimes I can almost see, around our heads,
Like gnats around a streetlight in summer,
The children we could have,
The glimmer of them.
Sometimes I feel them waiting, dozing
In some antechamber - servants, half-
Listening for the bell.
Sometimes I see them lying like love letters
In the Dead Letter Office
And sometimes, like tonight, by some black
Second sight I can feel just one of them
Standing on the edge of a cliff by the sea
In the dark, stretching its arms out
Desperately to me.
I am a fan of Sharon Old's poetry, but I was not familiar with this poem. My AP students were assigned a modern poet for which they were to read and analyze a certain number of poems by that poet, so as I am reading through my student who chose Sharon Olds this is a one of Old's poems she chose. After I read it, I had to stop grading for a while.
Posted Sunday, April 27, 2008 12:55 PM
Well I met with my RE after all the testing. My HSG showed that my tubes were clear. In fact the world beautiful was used to describe how the dye went through them. However, I have ovarian cysts, and the Clomid did not help them. I am producing too much estrogen.
The cysts may be why the last three cycles have had so much spotting before my period and such long periods. Of course since the HSG this cycle has been different -- more back to normal. I have had no spotting, but I've also had no period. I took a pregnancy test on Tuesday when my period was late about a day. I then took a pregnancy test on Friday before my RE appointment. Both tests came back negative. The RE put me on Prometrium because even if I am pregnant it will not harm a baby as it is perscribed at times to help women who have had miscarriges keep a pregnancy. It provides some comfort for me as well because my only pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks. Still the possiblity that I am pregnant is slim, and it hurts to have my hopes raised. I just wish my body would behave so I could figure out what was going on.
My husband's semen analysis was normal. The RE suggested IUI, not IVF even considering my age. My husband and I were not considering any ART beyond drugs because we can't afford it. We figured if it didn't happen we'd move on to adoption. Not that it was an easy decision. My RE did show us their pricing for the type of IUI she suggests for us and it would be just under $1000. I am teaching summer school this year, and I'll earn about an extra $4000. My husband and I decided instead of using the money for his clinic or our debts that we would hold on to it for this purpose. It makes me feel a little more hopeful. We did get pregnant on our own and will keep trying, but it is hard to be hopeful.
Posted Thursday, April 24, 2008 5:36 PM
My husband was so funny last night. He had gone to his semen analysis that morning, and of course it was not something he was looking forward to doing. I don’t think any man looks forward to it, but it was worse because I couldn’t go with him. I have taken too many mornings off recently, so off he goes to a reproductive doctor’s office to do, well you know…
He had been making jokes the night before that because we hadn’t made love for two days that he was going to be like Randy (Stan’s dad) on South Park after he finally gets his release after watching internet porn. He kept me laughing all night making extravagant claims that the room was going to look like that room on the South Park episode and that he was going to have to ask for multiple cups in which to deposit his seed.
Well he gets in that night after the doctor visit and describes how awkward it was. He does it in such a funny way that I can’t help laughing. He got there early because he’s always early for everything. Another man was there, obviously for the same thing, but his wife was with him. They both get called back at the same time, and are placed in little rooms side by side. In the room is this leather loveseat and ancient porn. The magazines had the covers torn off and looked like they were from the 80’s the videos had bizarre titles like “Big Butts 8” and all he can think is that everyone knows what he is about to do. Also he’s thinking that he doesn’t want to sit on or touch anything in that room because of what has been going on there. On top of everything else, he hears the guy next to him leave – he’s done, so now there is the added pressure that he doesn’t want to be the guy that takes an hour to do this. Still my husband ‘rose’ to the challenge and accomplished what needed to be done, but he had to admit that he did not need additional cups. In fact he said he was a little upset that he didn’t produce more.
It was awkward and disgusting, but we can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. I guess on Friday, I’ll know how we both performed on our tests.