0-6 Months Q & A

Q: Info for dads?

2008-06-26T21:40:00Z

Q: My wife just gave birth, and I'm trying to be as helpful as possible, but have this feeling that there's more I should know or be doing. Any tips?

A: No matter how painstakingly daddies-to-be pore over the pregnancy and parenting guides, there’s invariably a lesson or two they’ll overlook about dealing with a new baby and a postpartum woman. And, according to user feedback, guys tend to miss the same few things over and over. From real moms, here are the top things women wish new dads knew (yes, there’s an entire section dedicated to diapers).

Pregnant women/new moms: Print it out, add your notes, and hand to your husband. New/soon-to-be dads: Memorize it. Now.

We still want to feel sexy.

“After having a baby, we never get tired of you telling us that we’re still sexy and that we look ‘the same’…even though our jeans tell us that’s not entirely true!” -- gearheadsbride

“Even though she’s now the mother of your child, she’s still your wife and wants to be treated that way.” -- chromiumman

“New moms need just as much attention as that cute baby!” -- harmonden

“All we want is to be loved, appreciated, and told how amazing we are -- not just as moms, but as sexy wives too.” -- Emmajoanne

We’re new at this too…and it’s hard.

“We may be nurturing and maternal, but we’re really scared too.” -- soulcandybt

“Spending time with the baby during the day isn’t a series of lounging and naps for new moms. It’s hard work entertaining a baby!” -- kim*mik

“We’re making it up as we go along too!” -- ljpeach

“Just because we’re at home on maternity leave doesn’t mean that we aren’t working all day as well.” -- kpropes

“We’re not superwomen.” -- Berwyn

We still love you; we’re just tired and cranky.

“The desire for you is still there, even though we’re exhausted!” -- Tina12312

“Although the attention obviously shifts a bit at first, we love you more than ever!” -- Soon2BMrs.P

“We get a little cranky, but don’t take it personally.” -- kathypease

“All the moments when we ‘take over’ as new moms are simply a mom compulsion and have nothing to do with not trusting your ability to take care of the baby.” -- ChiTownHipster

“We may want sex less (at first), but we love you even more than before.” -- txterri

Pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding are NOT easy.

“Leave Mommy’s boobies alone!” -- lsl_53@yahoo.com

“How it feels to be a woman and have all these goofy things coming out of your body -- babies, placentas, milk, etc.” -- bethann5

“The after-birth pains are as painful as early labor.” -- HSlater351

“How long it takes to REALLY recover from pregnancy.” -- kdkdkd

“How emotional and difficult breastfeeding can be. The first two weeks are crucial and extremely hard for a new mother. There’s no way a new dad can ever understand the effort a new mother goes through to try and do the right thing when a thousand opinions are flying at them, plus issues such as latching, production problems, etc.” -- CoolMama

We need some help…and some breaks.

“We’re so tired and emotional. Bring us a simple meal with a flower and take a walk with the baby while we eat and nap. Everyone will be happier in the long run.” -- jjampm

“We need our naps, so thanks for changing the diapers and turning away unexpected visitors.” -- choochoo428

“Tell us it’s okay when we get a little grumpy.” -- shanstan

“When you watch your own kid, it’s NOT considered ‘babysitting.’” -- pielum

“Your support is needed after birth just as much -- or more! -- as during pregnancy, labor, and delivery.” -- Linnea_Ann

“You can be very helpful without being asked to help first.” -- edq143

“Just holding the baby isn’t really helping. Try cleaning the bathrooms or making dinner.” -- idahomom

“Sleep deprivation is soooo hard to live with. Give your wife lots of help during the day.” -- impnpixie

Diapers diapers diapers!

“How to change diapers without vomiting.” -- indygoldenmom

“How to not use the entire box of wipes for one dirty diaper!” -- jananddom

“I’m not the only one who should change our baby’s diaper!” -- BusterJess

“How to properly change a diaper…and dispose of it!” -- ashley17

“Moms need sleep too, and poop doesn’t kill.” -- auntiethesis

Best books for Dad >>

<< What NOT to say

QA Index

Q: Going back to work?

2008-06-19T02:42:00Z

Q: I'm going back to work soon, and I'm getting nervous! Is there anything I can do before the big day to make the transition easier?

Nest Lori: There's enough to get used to being a new mom... add your busy job back into the mix, and it's a recipe for utter chaos. Make your transition from new mom to working mom less stressful with these helpful hints:

Practice your morning routine. During the two weeks after my nanny started and before I went back to work, my husband and I did "dry runs" of what our mornings would be like getting ready for work. Who got up with the baby? What was the showering schedule? Who was on kid-sitting duty when? What things needed to be in order before we left for the day? We tried our routine and tweaked what wasn't working without the stress of worrying that mommy would be late on her first week back. By the time I returned for real, we were old pros!

Do some pre-work pampering. If you lived in a velour track suit and barely brushed your hair during maternity leave like me, you'll probably want (and need) to treat yourself to some pampering before making your debut as a working mom. You'll be surrounded on your first day with welcomes and questions from co-workers, and you'll feel more confident about returning to work if you look -- and feel -- great. Get your hair cut, a mani and pedi, or even a new outfit for your first day. This is like a coming out party -- go all out and have fun!

Back to work reluctance >>

<< Working mom vs. SAHM

QA Index

Q: Trusting the caregiver?

2008-06-19T02:03:00Z

Q: We're both going back to work pretty soon, and have started looking for a caregiver for baby. I'm worried that no matter who I pick, though, I'll never truly feel comfortable leaving my baby home with them! Any tips for making it a little easier?

Nest Lori: First, take your time in finding a caregiver. Finding the right person to care for your most prized possession will be one of the first -- and toughest -- decisions you'll make as a working mom. There are a lot of things to consider: Do you want a more formal daycare environment, or a private nanny at home? Do you have family member who can help part- or full-time? How much can you afford? What kind of coverage will you need? You and your partner should start to discuss these topics way in advance, even while pregnant. Having a clear picture of what is best and most convenient for your family will help target your search early, cause less craziness during the process and ultimately help you feel more secure in your decision.

Once you've found the right person, definitely have him or her start early. We have a nanny, and one of the smartest things we did was hire her to start two weeks before I was scheduled back at work. During that time, I showed her where things were and and demonstrated any special instructions I had, and most importantly, I could see her interact with the baby and make sure both he and I were comfortable. Hiring early also gave me the opportunity to practice leaving the house gradually -- first for an hour, then two, then four, etc. You'll have a chance to do things like get your hair cut or run errands while easing into being away from your baby for long amounts of time.

Nanny vs. daycare >>

<< Micromanaging nanny

QA Index

Q: Dropping naps?

2008-06-12T20:03:00Z

Q: When do most babies go from three naps to two? Is there a general rule? How will I know when it's time?

Conner Herman & Kira Ryan: In general, babies move to two naps around six months of age. However, every baby is different -- it's just as common to drop the third nap at five months as it is to drop it at nine months. Therefore, it's important to read your own baby's cues in determining whether she's ready to make the transition.

The third nap should already be the shortest nap of the day. You'll know when your baby is ready to drop this nap when she begins resisting it day after day. As a general rule of thumb, if your baby struggles (or outright refuses!) to nap for a week straight, it's time to graduate to two daily naps. A few days of nap resistance isn't a clear indication, though. She may be teething or hitting a milestone rather than saying she's outgrown her nap. But, after a full week of protesting, the message is clear: Make the decision to drop the nap and don't go back.

If baby is having a hard time staying awake in the late afternoon once you drop the third nap, you can push her bedtime up by 15 or 30 minutes so she doesn't become too overtired. At worst, you may have a cranky baby for a week or two at dinnertime. Things will eventually get back to normal, though.

Baby's sleep needs >>

<< Basic bedtime routine

QA Index

Q: 4-month wakeful period?

2008-06-12T19:48:00Z

Q: I've heard that babies can have a wakeful period at around four months, where a baby who's been sleeping fine all of a sudden starts waking during the month. Why does this happen, and how should I deal with it?

Conner Herman & Kira Ryan: It's not uncommon for babies to start having sleep difficulties around their four-month birthday. This ages marks a huge cognitive and emotional turning point for babies, as they become much more aware of -- and interested in -- the world around them. It can also mean they'll sometimes want to play during the night. This is actually a good sign, because it means baby is bonding with you and having a good time during the day. However, it's challenging to cater to his desire to be with you around the clock.

So, that's why the wakeful period happens. Now, what can you do about it? If you're up for sleep training, now is a good time to start. Pick an approach that you and your partner both believe in so that you can support each other through the sleep teaching process. Start when your baby is healthy and when he'll be sleeping at home for a couple of weeks.

If you're not interested in sleep training or just not ready yet, our advice is to be minimally invasive at night. When you go in, try to soothe your baby without picking him up. If you feel your baby needs to be fed, give him enough to satisfy him but not fill up his entire stomach. While these things may not get him to sleep straight through the night, they are good baby steps toward encouraging him to become an independent sleeper.

Baby's sleep needs >>

<< Basic bedtime routine

QA Index

Q: Squirmy on diaper table?

2008-06-12T16:40:00Z

Q: My five-month-old is really into arching his back while I'm changing him -- I mean, he's about to flip off the changing table, and distracting him doesn't always work. What should I do?

Tammy Gold: The changing table is a difficult situation for many mothers -- you're trying to keep baby safe, but he keeps wiggling away. At five months, baby can't understand the concept of safety... or even a dirty diaper! Most likely, baby was happily playing somewhere when he was scooped up for the diaper change, which understandably led him to be startled and upset. At this age, it helps to explain to him what you are doing before you change the diaper in order to introduce the transition, even though he may not fully comprehend what you are saying until many months later. This diaper change struggle can continue well into toddlerhood, so it's helpful to start a routine of verbalizing what's going on right now. Once he can understand you, it'll be easier for him to settle down during diaper time.

To prepare him for what is going to happen next, you can say, "I know you are enjoying playtime, but Mommy needs to change your diaper now." While you're changing him, offer various distractions like a mirror to look at, keys to hold or a picture to focus on -- as you've seen, it can be very hard for young babies to sit still for a diaper change, but distractions are helpful.

Diaper pails >>

<< Changing supplies

QA Index

Q: Understanding no?

2008-06-09T19:05:00Z

Q: When do babies understand what "no" means, and when do they understand basic discipline? When he pulls my hair, I try to distract or redirect him, but it doesn't always work. I know it's unintentional on his part, but I'm still curious.

Tammy Gold: Children understand "no" at different ages -- some grasp things earlier than others. You don't need to wait to start explaining the rules, though. At as early as six months, you can begin introducing discipline by verbalizing messages like "we do not hit." Don't expect him to understand or follow those directions, though.

If baby's pulling your hair, start relating the message, "we do not pull hair," and then provide an example of what he can do such as "rub mommy's face." It may take a while, but as baby hears the instructions repeatedly and continues to master physical control over his body, he'll eventually be able to follow the direction.

Teething tips >>

<< Won't stop screaming

QA Index

Q: Working mom guilt?

2008-05-08T21:55:00Z

Q: I've been back at work for a week, and it's nice to have some time away from home but the guilt is killing me! Every morning when I leave, I question myself and whether it's wrong for me to not be home with my baby. Any tips for dealing with the guilt?

Tammy Gold: Some emotions are more difficult to deal with than others. It's natural to feel sad and upset when leaving your child and returning to work. The question of whether to stay home or work is an important one, and can only be answered by the parent -- every family's situation is different, and there's never a right or wrong.

If you're constantly doubting yourself and it is negatively affecting your home and professional life, it makes sense to reevaluate your situation. Think about why you're returning to work, and consider whether there are any options that could make the current situation more bearable. Also, try putting the time and energy you spend feeling guilty towards thinking of creative ways to spend time with baby. Try creating a schedule to ensure that you and baby get in some amount of quality time every day, even if it's a only a few minutes reading a book together. Remember, parenting is about the quality of time you spend with your children, not the quantity.

It's also important to remember that working and being a mother means you basically have two full-time jobs. It's equally important to schedule time for self nurture. Since you've only been back at work for a week, you're still in a time of transition. It's important to allow yourself to express your feeling. As you settle into your routine, the guilt and sadness around returning to work should decrease.

Diaper pails >>

<< Changing supplies

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