Q: Relationship after baby?

Posted Tuesday, April 08, 2008 5:15 PM

Q: Now that we have a baby, I feel like my husband and I never have time to spend together; and when we do, it's always about the baby! How can we keep things alive between the two of us?

Tammy Gold: Find alone time (both together and apart) is very difficult for new parents. You are dealing with a very new physical and emotional experience. It is very important, however, for you both to remain a strong and intact unit for both your child and your relationship. If possible, find a regular way to have alone time. Perhaps have Mom come every other week or hire a babysitter with whom you feel comfortable. Sometimes setting the time aside beforehand is easier than trying last-minute to secure childcare and finding someplace to go.

Remember what you both liked to do before you had the baby and continue those pursuits as much as possible. If you are at dinner and feel that the baby is taking up too much of the conversation implement a "no baby talk zone" for an hour. Remember the ways you connected earlier in your relationship and try to strengthen that connection viewing each other not only as "Mom and Dad," but as the people you were prior to giving birth. Do things that create an experience for the two of you, such as taking a class together, reading the same book, or even just watching a show together each week. Most important, talk to each other and verbalize what you both need. Being open and honest with each other will only strengthen your bond as partners, but also as parents.